There are a lot of reasons why a toddler may throw a temper tantrum. In many cases, it's because they're hungry and/or tired and things that don't normally upset them will send them into a tailspin. The temper tantrum is just an expression of frustration with a physical (hunger, fatigue), mental (difficulty learning or performing a task) or emotional situation.

And, quite frankly, tantrums are sometimes nothing more than a repetition of a technique that has worked favorably in the past to get the child what he or she wanted. They may be small and unable to communicate well, but children are not stupid. If a temper tantrum resulted in "no" becoming "yes," that information will be remembered and the next time you say "no," past experience will be drawn upon in an attempt to change your mind. The more times you give in, the more it reinforces the child's experience that a temper tantrum = success!

A word for parents: you may be tired and hungry, too! Sometimes you think it's easier to just give in. However, you need to remember that children want consistency from you. Being consistent in your parenting is probably one of the most important lessons you'll learn and probably the hardest thing to do. If you told your toddler that you are not buying toys when you go grocery shopping, then don't.

How to avoid temper tantrums in the first place

Be consistent. We cannot emphasize this enough. It is the foundation of parenting.

Plan ahead. If you have to take a child with you to run errands, try to do them at a time of day when the child usually has the best attitude and mood and isn't likely to be tired, hungry and therefore grumpy and demanding.

Encourage your child to use words. Temper tantrums are a communication in response to an inability to convey frustration. Get your child to talk to you in a normal tone of voice. Make it clear that you will not listen to whining and crying.

Let your child make choices. It's important to involve the child in some of the decision making when appropriate. It gives them a sense of control. Compliment the child on his or her choices and for using words.

Praise good behavior. Children need positive reinforcement - you cannot just ignore the good behavior and punish the bad. They will equate bad behavior with attention and if that's the only attention they get from you, they will use it.

Use distraction. If you sense a tantrum about to break forth, attempt to distract the child to head off a tantrum. It may help to touch or hold them.

Avoid situations likely to trigger a tantrum. Steer clear of "Temptation Island" at the checkout. One good technique is to buddy up with a friend or your spouse when shopping and have one adult take the children out to the front of the store, bypassing the displays, while the other one checks out. Otherwise, it's darn near impossible to get away from leading a child right past the goodies put there specifically for the purpose of tempting children.

How to deal with temper tantrums

At home or in public, the best response to a temper tantrum is - ignore it. If you are out in public, don't hesitate to leave the situation if the tantrum escalates or your child in danger of hurting him- or herself. At home, discuss with your child (once calm) what type of behavior you would have preferred. Above all, YOU must stay calm. Responding to a temper tantrum with anger or shouting will only likely escalate the child's behavior.

Children like routines. What may be boring to you is reassuring them. They live in a world where everyone is larger and their communication skills are limited. They find comfort and safety in consistency.

Around the time of the "terrible 2s," toddlers are also typically going through an "I'll-do-it-myself" phase and they may react negatively when things happen and decisions are made without their involvement - especially if it disturbs their routine.

Some children are more sensitive to change than others but you shouldn't try and protect your toddler from change, as it's unavoidable. Do try to help him or her deal with change in ways that are age-appropriate.

• Discuss with the child in advance any changes you are planning on making that will affect the child and the child's routine. For example, if you are planning on painting, talk about it in advance. If you are painting the child's bedroom, consider giving the child some input on color and decorations. Talk about the pending change and remind the child, giving them time frames they can understand. "We're having lunch early today because we're going to pick Grandma up at the airport when you finish eating." "When you wake up in the morning, the painters will be here and you can watch them."
• Let the child participate when appropriate. Children love to help. Even adults accept change better when they feel they have been involved in the change process.

Take into consideration what is appropriate for a child of this age and try and give the child choices instead of asking open-ended questions. Instead of asking "what color would you like to paint your room?" - give him or her a choice between two or three colors that you would find acceptable. It allows the child to be involved. You want to avoid asking questions or giving options in a way that may result in an answer you don't want. For example, what happens if you say "Do you want to pick up Grandma at the airport today?" - and the child says "NO?" Obviously, you have to pick up Grandma and unless you are able to leave the child with someone while you do that, he or she will feel that what they want doesn't matter, even though you asked them. It puts the adult in a dilemma and marginalizes the child. Try to remember to present the child with choices instead:

• Do you want green or blue?
• Do you want to sit in the front or the back?
• Which pair of shoes do you like - this one or this one?
• Which shirt would you like to wear - the yellow or the green?

Your child should outgrow this phase. Extreme, persistent resistance to change can be an early indicator of autism spectrum disorder. Other signs and symptoms may include delayed speech, attachment to one particular toy or object, unresponsiveness to others and poor eye contact. Be patient, make sure you are being consistent and presenting appropriate options when changes loom. If problems persist, you may want to discuss it with the pediatrician at your child's next routine checkup.